When you need to talk about something important, don’t spring it on your partner. Don’t try to talk about it when you are both going about your day. Chose a time, sit down and give each other your undivided attention. Topics that need this type of undivided attention...
Good couple communication isn't just for when you are in conflict. A great relationship is built upon deep connection, and if you are only talking about what you did during the day, what jobs are needed around the house or what the kids or the pets are doing or...
Rather than being one fixed personality, what if you were made up of lots of different parts? Like subpersonalities inside of you, your own inner family. Most of us relate to this quite intuitively- for example, maybe a part of you loves going to work, being...
When people relate to each other, we can get polarised into unhealthy positions that don’t make for a healthy, close connection. The Drama Triangle is one model that explains the mess we can sometimes get into with people we care about. The three parts of the triangle...
When couples get stuck in unhelpful patterns of communication, often it’s not so much ‘what’ is being discussed but ‘how’ it is being discussed. If one partner has something on their mind that they want to share with the other, delivery is really important. For the...
One of the most common reasons that individuals and couples seek out a sex therapist, is that they are not having much or any sexual intimacy. Some people are A-sexual, meaning they don’t feel sexual desire and that’s just how they are, but for people who are...
Tantra is a ritual that each person comes to with intention. Tantra (not the ancient yogic spirituality, but what is know as 'neo-tantra / new tantra) is a practice of making sex sacred. Instead of focusing on arousal or orgasms, the focus is on connection,...
If all couples increased the amount of appreciation they showed each other, I would not have many relationship counselling clients! It doesn’t matter how good your communication skills are, how practiced you are at speaking without yelling and regulating the tone of...
No-one is going to be surprised to hear that allocation of household chores is a common gripe and cause of arguments, and a hot topic in couple counselling sessions. I always let couples know that there is no ‘correct’ or ‘fair’ way to manage things, beyond what...
Ejaculating within the first few ‘thrusts’ of penetrative sex can be frustrating! Clients attend sex therapy looking for a way to ‘last longer’ as they might be experiencing distressing feelings of shame, frustration and even avoiding sex. They have googled 'premature...